今年的第一篇Essay貌似简单。题目是：

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

记得我上学的时候语文老师曾经说过，越简单的题目反而越不好写。你的邻居的大姨妈的二侄子去年写了一篇关于自己划船的文章让他进了哈佛，那你千万别以为今年你ctrl+f把“划船”替换成“游泳”申请伯克利就是十拿九稳的事。关键在于如何才能在150字中写出特色，写出精彩，写出自己和别人的不同。再说一遍，一定要写出，不同！

不同如何体现？从自我分析下手。问问自己，为什么伯克利愿意选择的是你，而不是别的同样喜欢游泳的孩子？你想通过这篇文章让伯克利看到你身上的什么特点？是持续4年每星期训练的坚持不懈，是勤奋努力后来居上的恒心，还是冲破阻力最终如愿以偿的勇气？你最钟爱的运动当然不会只有一点，但是在短短的150字当中你能展现的有且只能有一点。一旦写出两点以上，读者就很难清晰的了解到你的想法，文章的可信度自然大幅下降。

开始讨论之前，先打预防针：千万千万不要从网上找别人的申请文章，略加改头换面变成自己的。每年有太多太多的申请人喜欢投机取巧，寄希望于Google。先不说不少老师对网上能找到的那几篇文章实在是门清。问题是，你怎么知道Google搜出来的文章就是非常优秀的呢？下面这篇文章就是我Google出来的，看看毛病在哪里吧：

As a member of the cross-country, and track and field teams for my entire high school career, I feel that I have benefit greatly from them. They’ve shown me in what I used to think was an entirely non team sport, to knowing that they are both extremely team oriented. Both sports have instilled many team values in me. At all the meets my fellow team mates will cheer me on during the races and visa versa. There are also many activities that bring our team together including pasta parties at a runner’s house the day before a meet, and pizza parties after the meets. Here we can socialize with all our teammates, and all have a good time. Both sports require much training, and there were sometimes when I felt like I couldn’t train anymore, but my teammates were able to get me through it. It is a great feeling when you improve on your best time and set a new personal record. In x-country there has to be ambition from the runners to improve, because the coaches can’t make you run. We learn to use our ambitions to push us harder and run independently. Both are truly tests of perseverance, dedication, and endurance, they are not like most other sports where the players receive some sort of break throughout the game. Even though there are some hard times when training, I thoroughly enjoyed my experience.

硬伤非常的明显：题目要求一个活动，作者写了两个（田径的田和径）。我要求只挑一个点，作者至少写了两个点：团队精神和抱负。这些暂且不谈，最大的问题是，我看不到任何的作者个人特色。相反，我看到的是田径的团队精神，田径运动员的个人抱负。作者每句话都在强调田径这项运动的好处，对运动员的帮助等等。但是申请人在哪里？大学要招的是你，而不是田径运动。

如果拿给我重写，我会首先简单阐述田径这项运动对人的挑战，尤其是对申请人自己的挑战。但是经过3年的训练，申请人能够在田径中脱颖而出的关键原因就是雄心与勇气(personal ambition)。接下来举出具体例子来证明这一点，比如多次比赛中获奖，尤其是其中最困难的一次完全是靠自己定了下来，而不是教练的督促。这样的一篇申请文章就会显得更加有作者自身的特色。同样的“特色”最好能够在其他申请文书中一样有所体现。